


taken by sleep

by thatloserholly



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Friend Please, M/M, Mental Illness, Self Harm, Suicide, Taken By Sleep, trigger warning, you might cry idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 19:48:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15613728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatloserholly/pseuds/thatloserholly
Summary: now it’s ten after fourand i am taken by sleep(lower case intended // if you haven’t read the tags, please be warned that there is suicide, self harming and mental illness featured in this fic. if you’re upset by any of these things, please take caution reading this fic.)





	1. friend, please

'he's not okay.'

——————————

tyler and josh sat together on the grass on a cold winter's evening, the wind gently slapping against their faces and causing them to shiver slightly from the feeling.

they didn't speak for a while, just enjoyed each other's company in the lonely field overlooking the town. the silence was calming, and the atmosphere was welcoming, but both boys were fighting with their feelings deep in the dark inner workings of their hearts.

was it love between them, or just strong friendship? this was the thought clouding tyler's brain. he loved josh with all his tired heart, but struggled to choose whether these feelings were romantic or just plain platonic. he loved the way josh played his drums so passionately, ending up sweaty and panting with a huge grin gracing his face. he loved his hair, too - all of the pretty colours that he'd dyed it over time it and the way it sat messily on his head and the soft sides where it was shaved. he just loved josh. but he was unsure whether he felt the same.

josh did feel the same, yet he wasn't sure how to express how he was feeling to the small, troubled boy sitting next to him. 

tyler's talent with words was what really pulled josh in. how he adored the way tyler would sit at his piano for hours composing soft songs and letting his emotions take over as he pressed his fingers to the keys. josh would just sit and watch contently, as to not disturb the younger boy while he played. it was the only way that tyler could really let out the troubles tormenting him, so he made sure not to stop him by talking and being distracting.

both boys loved sitting together in the field in silence, watching the day go by beneath them in the quiet streets. and although they both struggled with feelings and thoughts and emotions, they still made time to be together and let everything go as they relaxed in the cool of the outdoor air under the pretty oak tree that towered above their short figures.

they sat on this particular night for hours, occasionally talking about a song tyler was writing or how josh's parents had promised him a new drum set for doing well in his exams. 

as the moon hung in the blue-black sky, josh let out a loud sigh and turned to tyler for a comforting sight, who looked at him quizzically, wondering what was troubling his best friend on such a peaceful night. he knew that really, josh was very much struggling like he was, but he assumed that nights like this one helped him forget his woes and stop the voices from making him sad. tyler certainly found their time helpful.

"you're not okay, josh. tell me stuff." he spoke gently as to not startle or aggravate the ruby haired boy sat to his right, picking at a few bits of grass tickling his palms and the pads of his fingers.

"i'm not sure why i'm like this, tyler. it's like..." he thought for a moment, moving his hands away from the green ground to rest in his lap. "it's like some spiders crawled inside me and made themselves a home in there. i feel dirty and dark - like there's no light in my heart anymore."

"elaborate. there's more to this, i know there is. you can tell me everything, josh. we're here to help each other, remember?" 

josh nodded slowly and thought for a moment longer, trying to find the right words to describe the way he was feeling to tyler.

"i know this sounds silly, but i feel like i'm alone an awful lot."

"it doesn't sound silly at all." tyler interrupted, which josh always hated, but chose not to mention. he didn't want to hurt tyler's feelings or anything - he knew how sensitive the boy sitting next to him was.

"it does, because i have you and jordan and ashley and abi. we have friends at school and everything but i still feel so lonely." he sighed and shuffled in his spot a little.

"when did you believe you were alone?" tyler asked. 

"only quite recently. everyone's had things to do and mom and dad haven't had time to sit and talk and stuff."

everything is silent as tyler takes in the information he's been given, except there is a soft tweet from a bird in the tree above them as it settles in it's nest for the night. the sky is almost black, but the horizon is illuminated by the lights of the houses in columbus, the warm glow of lamps seeping through curtains and windows and giving the view a soft orange, almost fire-like hue.

it stays like this until josh speaks again. this time his voice is slightly agitated, almost as if he's mad at himself.

"i'm scared, no, petrified of myself, ty, i really am. i don't know what's going on. what have i become? i'm just a scared, anxious mess, that talks to the monsters under the bed and in his head when he can't sleep."

tyler decides to let him continue, sad that his best friend has to face this. but he does too, and he feels for josh because he understands his pain.

"i don't want to go to school next week. i wanna hide away and do nothing. but i know that won't do me any good." he stopped for a second and his lip trembled as he stuttered. "i don't know if i can do this anymore."

josh lifted his hands to his face to stop his companion from seeing him cry. he choked out sobs and sniffled into his hands, crying loudly. tyler just slowly moved in front of him and wrapped his arms around josh's shoulders, burying his head in his neck. 

soon, tyler lifted his head again and placed his fingers delicately around the crying boy's wrists.

"josh, i need you to calm down a little." he said in a hushed voice, soothing the red haired boy's cries. "now, josh, please take your hands away from over your eyes so you can look at me."

josh did as he was instructed, looking into tyler's loving dark chocolate eyes, still dropping shiny tears from his own and leaving tear marks on his light, smooth cheeks.

"i feel like i'm living like a ghost, tyler. nobody can see me because i'm just too broken to be noticed."

"but i noticed you, josh. i found you." this created a small smile on his tear stained cheeks, making him feel a little better. "i felt the same until i found you. you noticed me and made me happy. so i'm going to make you happy, no matter what it takes."

tyler spent the next hour with josh in his arms, whispering tenderly to calm josh down and encourage him to keep on living, because the world needs people like josh, who care about their companions and are so passionate about everything they do.

however, as they walked home to their neighbourhood together, tyler noticed that, although josh had been saying he's fine, he had lost his sway and glow. he hadn't been so vehement the last time he played his drums, and wasn't so contented when tyler last played a song for him. it was a little odd, but the boy did have his ups and downs every now and then. but on this occasion, the down part was particularly long.

they stopped outside of josh's house and hugged each other like always. it was a warm embrace - almost like a silent promise to still be awake tomorrow. it was kind of romantic, in a sense with the way they held onto each other tightly and lovingly. both of them wanted to stay that way forever.

"what're you going to do tonight, ruby?" tyler asked into josh's shoulder, using the nickname he created when his companion had dyed his hair a gorgeous shade of ruby red.

"exactly what you said, tyjo." the younger boy chucked at his familiar pet name. "drum, watch a movie, be chill."

"perfect. i know you're okay, josh. i promise this life is worth living."

retreating from the hug, they parted ways and headed of to their houses to face the teasing of the ceiling above them as they battled with the thoughts flocking in their brains. and they wouldn't go away until the boys saw each other again. their brain was like an island in their head, and the thoughts were flightless birds that couldn't go away until someone got rid of them.

tyler tossed and turned once again that night, like he did most nights, trying to fall asleep. but alas, he just couldn't get comfortable and there was this niggling little feeling that josh was most definitely not alright, even after all of tyler's effort to mitigate josh's inner struggles.

he couldn't help but think that it was going to get so much worse, even maybe to the point where his best friend would commit suicide. and he most definitely did not want to lose his best friend and - as tyler was beginning to believe - his soulmate.

it brought him to tears, thinking that his ruby haired boy might just end everything soon and leave him by himself to face his demons alone. how would tyler cope without josh to fight away the bad guys attacking his mind? would he even make it? or would he have to join josh to make it all better?

after crying a little, tyler seemed to settle, and just stared up at the ceiling for a little while, tracing the familiar cracks in the paint with his eyes, which soon began to grow tired. the feeling of nearly being asleep was comforting, because it was a feeling he didn't feel often, and he especially liked when it came to him some nights.

the brown haired boy was almost asleep when his phone illuminated his dark room and vibrated on his bedside table, making the rumble of the ringing louder than it was when it was usually in his pocket. the caller id said 'laura' when he picked it up, but he didn't really take any notice and picked up the phone just to stop it from creating the annoying vibrations on the wood of the table.

"hello?" his voice was raspy and quiet from tiredness when he spoke and he could hear uneven breathing on the other end of the call. 

"tyler... could you come over, please? her voice was cracking and her breathing was jagged as silent cried wracked her chest. "it's josh... he's not okay, tyler..." she sobbed a little and tyler could hear jordan comforting his mother gently in the background. "my baby is not okay..." she sniffed, and there were muffled noises as she passed the phone to ashley, who told tyler to come as soon as possible.

'josh is breaking, you have to save him.' the voices said in tyler's head.

was this what tyler had been dreading? had josh gotten to the breaking point? everything came crashing down on him as he began to panic, not wanting to lose his best friend tonight. not on a night where everything seemed so calm and content and peaceful and everything he'd wanted it to be. he wanted things to last forever, especially josh. 

'i have to save my best friend.'

he slipped on his shoes quickly and ran to the front door as quietly as possible, unlocking it slowly as to not wake his family. 

'c'mon, tyler, josh is dying without you'

as soon as he reached the outside of his house, he sprinted down the street as fast as it was physically possible, not stopping to catch his breath, and he found himself hammering his knuckles against the dun's front door until they hurt.

'he could be gone by now.'

it was ashley who answered, and she immediately led him through the house to the bathroom, passing laura and jordan, who was still keeping the woman sane as her son slowly became insane, hidden away in the bathroom.

'no, you're gonna be fine. you can't leave now, ruby.'

the door was slightly ajar when they reached it, and ashley stepped back to let him see josh, and hopefully comfort him and bring him back to his senses. josh would be okay, as long as tyler stepped into that room in time. his best friend was on the other side of that door, and he was going to make it. this life was worth living, right?

'don't let go, josh, i'm here.'


	2. taken by sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (trigger warnings still apply)
> 
> you might need some tissues for this chapter

tyler could not sleep. 

although he couldn't sleep before, it had gotten worse since he opened that door two weeks ago.

the blood on the blade and the chalky white pills haunted his dreams so he didn't dare try to fall asleep in case the sight came back. the lifeless body laying there on the tiles seemed to mingle in his mind and no matter how hard he tried, he could not get it out of there. 

he sat at his desk, staring at the wood in front of him. he heard sounds, yet the house was completely silent, and the sounds he heard were everything josh has ever said to him being replayed over and over again. tyler never got tired of the sounds, though. he wished he could've recorded them and put them on a cd to listen to them wherever he went so he wouldn't forget the pitch, the tone, the sound of josh's voice. that one voice that never failed to make him smile so wide his cheeks hurt. that one voice that pulled him out of the darkness when nobody else could save him.

he went back to his bed to try and calm the soft sobs and the tears cascading down his face. the demons were getting bigger again, without josh to take them away. they would surround the young boy and torment him with dark ideas and monotone voices.

tyler tried his absolute hardest to fall asleep, but no matter how tightly he shut his eyes or how comfortable he could get, he still could not sleep and dream of happiness where none of this had ever happened and everything was as it should be. in the end, he gave up and decided to get a drink and a snack.

stepping out into the hallway, he looked at the clock hanging miserably on the wall, ticking away the time and counting down the minutes before everything went away - it read 4 am. 

the house was still eerily quiet, and as he slowly made his way down the hall and through the house, he felt so constricted, as if the walls were closing in on him and pushing the breath from his lungs. he had to get out, otherwise he wouldn't be able to breathe, and as much as he wanted to die, he had to stay alive, because he had promised josh he would all that time ago.

every goddamn thing tyler saw made him think about how josh, his ruby, his best friend, his soulmate, his everything - was gone. 

he made it back to his room without suffocating and slumped down at his desk, pulling a piece of paper and pen from between the bits and pieces strewn over the surface and beginning to write. he checks his phone clock for the time again - 4:05.

by the time he is finished, there are tear marks on the paper and on his face and on his clothes, and there are words covering the whole lined sheet on the desk. tyler admired his work, impressed that he managed to write everything he had bottled up inside of him in the mere space of five minutes.

the demons seemed to back off after he wrote his song, and he immediately fell asleep at his desk, dreaming of an evening in the field with josh.

——————————

the next night, he could not sleep again. the thoughts were back. they came in waves along with floods of salty tears, which soaked his pillow, forcing him to turn it over to the dry side to be comfortable again.

so, instead of writing another song, he slipped on some sweatpants and a soft hoodie, along with his shoes, and he snuck out the front door, careful not to be loud and wake his family.

the wind was sharp, like the blade on the bathroom floor, and it felt as if it was cutting deep into the bare skin of his face, his neck and his hands. the streets were empty and dark, there were no streetlights - only the glow of the beams of the moon through the clouds hanging in the black abyss and blocking out the stars.

walking past the dun's house, he remembered walking home with josh and dropping him off. he walked past there all the time, but never expected a plain old neighbourhood house to bring him such sorrow.

he headed to the graveyard, the same place he had gone every day after school for the past week to talk to josh. as he entered the old rusted gates, he pulled out the crumpled piece of paper and clutched it tightly like it was sacred.

weaving through the tombstones, he looked at the names on the graves and thought about how josh was meeting those people in the place that everyone goes someday. he spoke softly to each of them, reminding them to look after his best friend for him, like he was looked after by him. as he continued, he made sure to tell the ghosts that josh must have his pizza in four slices instead of eight, and that he must have the light on the second dimmest setting because otherwise he can't sleep.

josh's grave was soon in front of him and he gently sat down next to it on the grass, as to not disturb his sleeping friend.

"hi, josh. i know it's really late and stuff, but i had to come because i have something for you." he said, looking up at the sky and unfolding the paper in his shaking hands. "this is for you."

tyler paused for a brief moment to hold back the tears before he continued.

"i know it's too late to tell you this... but... i love you, josh. not just as a best friend. you were my everything, and you always will be. i think about you every day and always wonder if you're thinking of me. it's hard to think it was just the other day that i saw you - we hugged like always and i let you go to your house."

a few tears slid down tyler's cold cheeks as he hugged josh's grave. although it was cold and hard, it still felt welcoming like the embrace of his best friend. he knew josh was up there somewhere, watching him and, if ghosts and spirits exist, hugging him back.

"everything was torn down for me that night, josh. i thought it was okay, i thought you were okay and that life was worth living, we were gonna make it together. you promised. it's not like you to let emotions get the best of you. what happened?"

his question was met with silence. he'd never know the answer to that all important question, and that pushed him over the edge, him breaking down into fits of tears and sobs and a terrible ache appeared in his chest where his broken heart hung.

as he regained himself, he remembered what he originally wanted to say.

"i've spent hours on end thinking of what i'd say to you if i ever saw you again. and i've finally decided." he paused again, the only sounds ringing through the dark, empty, graveyard being his sniffles. "i love you more than a friend, or a best friend, or a brother. i love you because you're my soulmate. and i'm sorry i didn't say it sooner. now i can never see you again."

the sun was slowly coming up, and the sky was getting lighter. tyler knew the last thing he had to do before he left, and his gaze returned to the tear stained, scribble covered crumpled paper laying in front of him near the flowers on the tombstone.

"i wrote this for you, ruby. it's a token of my gratitude for everything you've ever done for me. i'd be gone, if it wasn't for you. so, i want you to listen from your home in the clouds to this song that i made, just for you. nobody else will ever hear this. it's all for you, josh."

tyler cleared his throat, and began to sing.

"i feel for you, but when did you believe you were alone?  
you say that spiders crawled inside and made themselves a home  
where light once was"

this was it, he was singing his song that he wrote to josh. this was the most important moment of his life.

"petrified of who you are and who you have become  
you will hide from everyone, denying you need someone  
to exterminate your bones"

he thought back as he sung to the last time he saw josh. he thought of everything he said to him on that last day and how they fit so perfectly into a song. it was almost as if this was all planned from the start.

"friend, please remove your hands from  
over your eyes for me  
i know you want to leave but  
friend, please don't take your life away from me"

he remembered his fingers around josh's soft skin as he lifted the crying boy's hands.

"living like a ghost you walk by everyone you know  
you say that you're fine but you have lost your sway and glow  
so i stopped by to let you know"

"friend, please remove your hands from  
over your eyes for me  
i know you want to leave but  
friend, please don't take your life away from me"

by now, tyler was crying again as he sung. his world was gone.

"would you let me know your plans tonight?  
cause i just won't let go 'til we both see the light  
and i have nothing else left to say  
but i will listen to you all day, yes i will"

his soulmate was gone.

"friend, please remove your hands from  
over your eyes for me  
i know you want to leave but  
friend, please don't take your life away from me"

josh was gone.

——————————

tyler burned the paper with josh's song written on it. he didn't want anyone to see it, since it was only written for josh to hear.

and he had also decided his plans. they weren't the best of plans, but he was satisfied with them.

so he sat at his desk late at night again with a pen. he pulled out a the first piece of paper he could find, which happened to be scarlet. he scribbled across the paper, letting out every little detail that was cooped up in his withered skull. he wrote everything he needed to say and then folded the paper into a neat square, like always, before placing it on top of his bed with names scrawled on the top red face of the paper.

a small orange pot sat next to his bed. and as much as tyler didn't want to grab it and empty it, he knew that it was all going to go downhill from there. josh, his life support, was gone. what else could help him? he couldn't think of one single thing that could save him now.

all he needed was to see his best friend one more time.

so, he gently lifted the pot into his shaking hands, twisting off the cap. there they were. the same familiar chalky white shapes that took his best friend.

tyler hesitated so many times. he begged and pleaded to his own head to spare him and let him stay, but nothing helped. he oh so desperately wanted to stay. there were so many things he wouldn't ever do. he was going to be a famous musician one day. he could change the world. 

but no. here he was, sitting on his bed, slowly swallowing each and every pill in the pot, trying his hardest not to regurgitate them all. it took everything he had to stop him from running to that bathroom and shoving his fingers down his throat.

he had broken his promise to stay alive. just like josh had broken his.

he felt it was only right that he be with josh for his final minutes, so he rushed once again to the graveyard, laying himself under josh's gravestone, above the coffin where his body lay. he whispered an 'i love you, everyone' into the cold air, hoping they will maybe, just maybe, hear his final farewell.

this was it. this was the end. tyler was going to see josh again. this life had been one big adventure, but this was even bigger. the great abyss. the sky. the clouds. the land of the angels. he could be pain free. weightless.

he could feel himself becoming sleepier by the minute, and he let it take over, welcoming the feeling of sleep as he closed his eyes and crossed his fingers for the very last time.

"here i come, josh."

——————————

the scarlet letter was opened the next morning by tyler's mother, who did not say anything. she just read it and read it, over and over enough times that she could probably recite it flawlessly.

she soon received a call from the town's vicar, who told her of the lifeless body of her son laying on the grave of joshua dun.

the whole family was in shock. nobody spoke for days, just occasionally picking up tyler's final letter to check that all of this really did happen. that he was gone.

the words stayed with them forever after. they were read out at tyler's funeral. the final line was written on his stone, which was placed next to josh's, for tyler's sake. he would've looked over them disappointedly otherwise.

his mother kept his letter forever. she had it written in her will that it was to be passed down to zack when she died, and as the siblings passed, the letter be passed down with them. the last one alive was to pass it further down to their children, and so on and so forth. she did not want anyone in her family to ever forget tyler. he was one of the most important things in her life, and he had slipped away.

the letter was always read on tyler's birthday. it just felt right. as if to count the years that he'd been gone.

as kelly lay in her bed in her dying days, she re-read her son's letter once more. he could've been so successful by now. he could've been married and had children of his own. but he was spending time in the sky with the fallen angels of the past. and she was soon to see him again. just like how he saw josh once again.

his soulmate.

——————————

dear family,

it's 4:05 and i am writing this letter as a final goodbye.

you will never know what i've faced. you may never find out what it's like to lose your best friend. 

i need to be with him. otherwise, i would go mad. i wouldn't be able to carry on living like before. so i ask for your understanding. please understand that i cannot live any longer.

now it's 4:07 and i'm taking the pills. i love you all so very much, and i'm incredibly sorry if i never managed to express that to you in a truly heartfelt way.

now it's 4:09 and i'm ready to die. i'm ready to face the great beyond. tell everyone i love them so much. but it's time to go. i'm going to see him. i'm going to see my soulmate.

now it's ten after four

and i am taken by sleep.


End file.
